


But They Remember

by Of_Heaven_And_Hell



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Background Relationships, Character Death, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, PTSD, self harm warning, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:49:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_Heaven_And_Hell/pseuds/Of_Heaven_And_Hell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The War has ended, but they remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But They Remember

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short drabble from Murphy's pov. As always, leaving comments and kudos is appreciated if you liked it.

Murphy prays a lot now. Sometimes it's for stupid things, like more food. Usually it's for the remainder of the 100. He didn't know some of them, disliked many of them and had been hated by most of them at one point but he worries for all of them. He knows they are all broken, tinged with blood and plastered with scars. He has seen the proof in the makeshift hospital where he has been helping Clarke for the past year. During that time he learned that scars are made of the substance that undamaged skin is and that they aren't as flexible as regular skin.

He wonders if that is why they are all so stuck, unmoved, in their ways.

He wonders, when he looks at them, how much of the actual person he is seeing and how much is just left over scar tissue- how much of them are just wounds that could never really heal.

Clarke told him once that scars never go away but they can be minimized, made to look more normal. He can't help but think that was what the adults were thinking about when they scheduled weekly therapy sessions for all of them. He thinks they hope to minimize them, make them appear more like their former selves.

He thinks it might be too late for that, for them.

For Bellamy, whose nails are always chewed off and bloody (Sometimes they remind Murphy too much of his own scar tissue and often he has to look away). Murphy hardly remembers a time when Bellamy's palms didn't have dried red stains on them.

For Octavia, whose eyes are always empty except for when she is challenging a stronger opponent. She has had bruises on her face for so long he cannot imagine her without them.

For Lincoln, who has not looked at her with love for a long time (his eyes are too clouded with worry).

For Jasper, who needed to be with Maya again. The elders think he was selfish, the 100 think he was determined.

For Monty, who sometimes considers joining the couple. Murphy knows he has rope stashed in his tent for when he makes up his mind. He should tell someone, but he knows that it is not his choice.

For Raven, who lost the use of her good leg a month ago and has not left her tent since.

For Wick, who has long since stopped holding blueprints and tools. His hands are full of moonshine now.

For Clarke, whose sleeves roll up sometimes to reveal rows of jagged, gaping wounds that are too fresh to be from the War but too recent to be caused by anything else. The old Clarke would never do that to herself, if only because of the probability of infection. But he realizes one night, when he sees her break a jar that held gauze in order to steal the shards, that the old Clarke is dead. This girl looks a little like her (her hair is longer now and her face has more scars), her DNA is the same but she isn't her. This girl is distorted, she is the result of the wounds of her former self. She is scar tissue. 

For Harper, who hates the sound of drills and other machinery. Whenever the adults are building something (aren't they always building something now?), she runs to Murphy's tent-the furthest one away. She never knocks, she is too busy trying to catch her breath. Murphy never tells her that she is being stupid, that the inability to breathe is only her imagination- he knows how easy it is to build a noose out of memories. She never asks him to put the rusty blade that he clutches down. He is grateful, he knows she is too.

For Finn, who hides in everyone's thoughts; who Murphy tries not to think about. Finn, who Murphy thinks about a lot.

The War has ended, but they all remember.

When Murphy prays, he asks God if they'll ever heal. He asks him if they deserve to- if their lives are worth more than the mountain men's, the grounder's, the reaper's, Anya's, Charlotte's. He hopes it isn't selfish to want what they never had. 

He has never asked any of them if they believe in God. He often asks God if he believes in any of them.

He never waits for the answer. He has learned that he wouldn't be prepared for either option.

He never waits, but he always prays. He hopes that counts for something.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to send me prompts on my tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/devotedlydecaffeinatedtyrant


End file.
